If your toddler isn't talking or pointing, two things are worth doing now. Talk to your pediatrician, GP or health visitor, and ask about a hearing check. And at home, think about pointing, not only words. That's where we had to start.

Pointing usually comes early. The CDC lists "points to ask for something or to get help" among the milestones by 15 months (CDC) and "points to show you something interesting" by 18 months (CDC). For my daughter, words came after pointing, not before. Here's how that went.

Where We Started

My daughter was about two. She had one word, and it came and went. She didn't point. When she wanted water, she stood at the fridge and screamed, and I guessed.

Her range of understanding was very narrow. I'd say something to her, and sometimes it was almost as if she didn't hear.

I remember not knowing where to even begin. Teach words? She didn't seem to be taking words in. Every list I found online assumed a child who was already following along.

What I learned, slowly, is that there was an order to it, and we had to start much earlier than words.

The Order That Helped Us

I'm a dad, not a speech therapist. The books I read described communication as something that builds in layers. Sharing attention with another person, which means you and your child looking at the same thing together. Then gestures like pointing. Then words. Some books also list eye contact. I don't think it should be forced.

So we stopped chasing words and started with the layer she was missing. I've written up the full set of exercises we used in speech therapy exercises at home. This post is the story of how it actually unfolded.

The Finger

My daughter loved swiping through photos on the iPad. Every time she wanted the next picture, I said "finger" and helped her tap. After a while she tapped on her own when I said it.

That was one word she clearly responded to. Only one, only on that screen. But it was something that worked.

I'm a software developer, so I thought of the next part as a hack. Move it somewhere else. The next time she screamed at the fridge, I said "finger, finger" and waited.

She pointed at the water bottle.

It sounds tiny written down. For us it was huge. It was the first time she showed me what she wanted, and I didn't have to guess. In CDC terms, it was pointing to ask for something.

If you take one thing from this post, take this: look for anything your child already responds to, in any setting, and carry it into a new one. A screen, a song, a game. One thing that works is a start.

Picture Books: "Where's the Cat?"

Once she could point, we had a way to check what she understood. Before that, I honestly couldn't tell.

We sat with picture books. I said "cat" and she pointed to the cat. At first I guided gently, or we pointed together. When she got it, I made a huge fuss. Then we did it again. And again the next day, with a different book and a different cat.

Short sessions. A few minutes, then stop while it's still fun.

This was where understanding started to grow, one word at a time. Each picture she could find was a word I now knew had landed.

Birds

Then something happened that nobody asked her to do.

We were outside and she pointed at birds. Not because she wanted them. Just to show me.

The CDC lists "points to show you something interesting" as a milestone by 18 months. She was later than that, and it didn't matter to me at all. She was sharing something with me because she wanted me to see it too. I still think about that one.

Repeat, Repeat, Repeat

After that, most of the work was repetition. Picture, word. Picture, word. Many times, over many days, in different places, until the two stuck together.

It wasn't exciting. There were long stretches where nothing seemed to change.

Later I put our picture and word exercises into a simple app called Word Tube so we could keep the repetition going in the car or a waiting room. If your child tunes out apps, I wrote about why that happens in my child ignores speech apps.

"Das"

Through all that pointing, her first real word arrived. It was "dog". In Croatian that's "pas". She said "das".

I celebrated "das" like it was a full sentence. Because to me it was.

If your child gives you something close to a word, take it. Say the word back clearly, give them what they asked for, and move on. They don't need to say it perfectly for the attempt to count.

Speech Isn't the Only Way

Our road went through pointing to words. Not every child's does, and that's fine.

A point, a sign, a picture card, or a tablet that speaks for your child all count as communication. A public guide from the Communication Health Support Association, backed by ASHA, describes AAC (augmentative and alternative communication) as "the ways people communicate when they have difficulty speaking" and says "AAC helps develop language and enhance speech" (CHSA / ASHA).

Some families and therapists describe a way of learning language called gestalt language processing, where a child uses whole chunks first, like a line from a song or a show. If that sounds like your child, it's worth asking your child's therapist about it.

What You Can Try This Week

Notice how your child asks now. Pulling your hand, screaming, standing by the fridge, leading you somewhere. Write it down for three days. That's their communication today, and it's where you start.

Find one thing they respond to and move it. A word from a show, a sound from a game, a tap on a screen. Try it in a new place, at the moment they want something.

Do five minutes of "where's the...?" with a picture book. Guide gently, or point together. Celebrate when they find it. Do it again tomorrow.

When they point, say the word. They point at water. You say "water" and hand it over. No demand to repeat it.

Count every message. A point, a look, a sign, a sound, a button on a device. All of it is your child talking to you.

If you're on a waiting list, here's what to do while you wait for speech therapy.

When to Talk to a Professional

You don't need to be sure something is wrong to ask. Asking isn't overreacting.

By 2 years, the CDC lists milestones like pointing to things in a book when you ask and saying at least two words together, like "more milk" (CDC milestones by 2 years). The CDC's advice: "Don't wait. If your child is not meeting one or more milestones, has lost skills he or she once had, or you have other concerns, act early."

Ask about hearing. A hearing check is a common first step when a child isn't talking or seems not to hear. The NHS notes that "hearing loss can affect a child's speech development" (NHS), and ASHA's guidance for speech professionals includes a hearing screening to rule out hearing loss when language is late (ASHA). Your doctor or health visitor can arrange one.

In the US, if your child is under 3, you can contact your local early intervention system and request a free evaluation. The CDC says "you do not need to wait for a doctor's referral or a medical diagnosis to make this call" (CDC).

In the UK, speak to your health visitor or nursery key worker, or contact your local speech and language therapy service for advice (NHS Best Start in Life).

Looking Back

When I think about that time, I remember the screaming at the fridge and not knowing what she wanted. Then one point at a water bottle. Then a cat in a book. Then birds. Then "das". None of it happened fast, and most days nothing seemed to happen at all. Those days counted too.

Common Questions

Why is my toddler not talking or pointing?

There are many possible reasons, and only a professional can tell you which applies to your child. Pointing is one of the early ways children communicate: the CDC lists pointing to ask for something among the milestones by 15 months. A good first step is to talk to your pediatrician, GP or health visitor and ask about a hearing check.

Is it normal for a 2 year old not to talk?

Children learn to talk at different speeds. By 2, the CDC lists that most children point to things in a book when asked and say at least two words together. If your child isn't doing these, or you have other concerns, talk to your pediatrician, GP or health visitor. Asking doesn't mean something is wrong.

My toddler doesn't seem to hear me. What should I do?

Ask your doctor or health visitor about a hearing check. It's a common first step when a child isn't talking or seems not to hear, and the NHS notes that hearing loss can affect a child's speech development. At home, start small: one word linked to one thing your child cares about, repeated often in short, fun moments.

Does not pointing mean my toddler is autistic?

Not necessarily. Many things can be behind a child not pointing or talking yet, and only a professional evaluation can tell you why. Whatever the answer, you can keep doing the small things at home in the meantime, and a professional can help you adjust them to your child.

How can I help my toddler start pointing?

Start with something your child already wants or responds to, like a favourite toy, a drink, or a screen they enjoy. Say a simple cue word, wait a moment, and guide gently or point together. When they point, say the word for the thing and give it to them quickly, so pointing gets results.

Should I wait and see if my toddler starts talking?

You don't have to. Speech Pathology Australia advises seeking a professional opinion early rather than a wait-and-see approach (Speech Pathology Australia), and the CDC says "Don't wait" if you have concerns. In the US you can request a free early intervention evaluation for a child under 3 without a doctor's referral. In the UK, speak to your health visitor or local speech and language therapy service.

Written by Marijan, parent of a child with speech and developmental delay.